Newsflash: Buying as a self employed person

I am looking to buy within the next few years(2-3) and desperately need some advice. I am self employed and take tax deductions. I spoke to a lender at my current main bank and he said that I would have to not take deductions because obviously they will use my after tax income when applying for a mortgage loan. For context I made around 53k last year and after taxes I was down to about 20k. I am on track to make 85k this year and because of the area I live in I would need to keep it at 85k after taxes in order to qualify for the amount to purchase pretty much any home in my area. This whole thing is so confusing to me every time I think I have it figured out i learn something knew that makes me realize I don’t. Any advice at all would be great so I know what I should and shouldn’t do. The internet has been my main guide so far but most of the time has conflicting answers. Also should add that my current banks first time homebuyer program takes your second year of self employed income and uses just that for determining what you can afford if you made more your second year of employment instead of averaging both years which is a little weight off if I have to not take deductions for a year.